Kim Kardashian feels like mom-of-two Khloe needs to get out and live her life, and the criticism she’s getting is brutal. But is it fair?

There’s a discussion to be had about recent headlines regarding reality TV’s most famous family that many parents can probably relate to. TL;DR: Parents often can’t win in the eyes of others, and it hurts, especially when it comes from people who are supposed to lift you up.

In a new episode of season 5 of The Kardashians, streaming on Hulu, Kim tells Khloe that her kids “rule your life.” She also tells Khloe, “You need to live your life.”

This comes after Kim caused a stir with comments she made about Khloe’s decision to RSVP no to a trip to Paris Fashion Week. Her reason? She wanted to spend time with her two 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥ren, True and Tatum, whom she shares with ex-boyfriend, Tristan Thomas. She also wanted to be there for her sister, Kourtney, who was about to give 𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡 to Rocky Thirteen, whom she shares with her husband, Travis Barker.

Neither of these reasons seems unreasonable, but Kim, a mom of four, appeared annoyed. Through the show, it’s clear the two sisters balance their parenting and social lives differently. While both preferences are valid, their differences are bringing attention to how parenting can look different for everyone, and why it’s important not to judge.

“Khloé is unbearable these days,” Kim had told the cameras in a confessional in an older episode. She added, “She needs to get out and live her life. All arrows are pointing towards misery. She feels guilty for leaving, and she just should be home.”

In another episode, Khloe described herself as a “super hands-on mom” and said it took her over a year to let her 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥ren’s nanny put her daughter to bed. Khloe, though, seems unapologetic about her desire to be home and stick to her parenting schedule. “Can’t we all just be the moms we want to be?” Khloe asks in a confessional in the new episode.

The Backlash to Kim K’s Comments Is Harsh

Viewers have been rushing to Khloe’s defense on social media and Reddit. A brief scan of the comments yields zero support for Kim.

“I’m really sick of the family giving Khloe crap for taking care of her kids when Kim is always working and not being a very hands-on mom! Kim, Wake…up, and try being a better mom,” one person wrote on X.

“What people like Kim don’t realize is that what’s best for them isn’t what’s best for everyone,” wrote a person in the KWUK subreddit. “It’s like she truly cannot comprehend how anyone can be happy unless they’re doing exactly what she thinks they should be doing.”

“In her eyes, they should be ripping and running the streets trying to stay relevant instead of being a present parent for their 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥ren,” replied another.

Meanwhile, over on KUWTKsnark, a person left a rather, well, snarky comment.

“Kim’s constant [and] unnecessary public appearances are just embarrassing, especially since she’s basically a single mother to four small kids,” someone said. “[There is] nothing wrong with wanting to be more of a homebody when your kids are very young. (I can’t believe I’m defending Khloe.).”

And I can’t believe I’m about to defend both of them.

Can We Just Stop Judging Parents?

Generally, I’m team “not-watching-the-Kardashians.” However, I think Kim’s comments and those on the internet warrant a discussion about the no-win situation parents, especially mothers, often find themselves in.

For starters, Kim’s attitude toward Khloe truly stinks. The idea that “all roads lead to misery” because she’s not out “living her life” really struck a chord with me. I was someone who was constantly out sipping wine before having 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥ren. My pre-𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥 vacations with my husband included a honeymoon in Italy and a trip to Napa and Sonoma, California, shortly before becoming pregnant with our first 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥.

I am constantly pressured to return to that person, accused of martyring myself because I won’t get a 𝑏𝑎𝑏𝑦sitter other than family for my two small 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥ren, the youngest of which, my 2.5-year-old, nurses to sleep. (Speaking of can’t win, the AAP moved the goalposts to two years or beyond for lactating when I was four months postpartum with him, though people in my life telling me to “just stop” wouldn’t know it. On the flip side, I know plenty of people who have faced judgment for not breastfeeding.)

No-kid wedding invites to out-of-state nuptials come with poems about us parents needing a “weekend off” or a “break.” My idea of a “break” is not a wedding but a two-hour nap in a home so quiet you could hear a pin drop. The fact that I rarely drink alcohol in front of my kids yields eye rolls, frustration, and accusations that I’m “no longer fun” because I guess booze is so baked into our culture that we can’t imagine life with considerably less of it. (I enjoy not having a headache, especially around two loud kids and pets.)

Parenthood can be a transformational event. You don’t have to “get back to living your pre-𝑏𝑎𝑏𝑦 life” because, for many, there’s no going back—and that’s OK.

Now, it’s also OK to be a working mom (and in Kim’s case, for better or worse, work means making appearances). It’s OK to go on kid-free vacations. It’s OK to have fancy weekly date nights or friends’ nights (especially if you’re a single parent, which comes with its own feelings of isolation even if you’re famous, I’m sure). It doesn’t mean you’re a terrible mother (or father, though when was the last time anyone accused Brad Pitt of being a lousy dad?).

Judgment is frustrating, especially when it comes from people meant to support you. It can make you question yourself and feel more isolated in a society that prioritizes rugged individuals.

Above rant aside, I’ve done a ton of reflection on how I take parenting criticism (and criticism in general) and have decreased the worth I put in external validation. I know I won’t win in the eyes of others, especially as a woman. What matters is that I feel good about my values as a mother, which may be different than yours. We can both still be great moms.

For me, my new life means “fun” is library days and vacations that revolve around seeing my kids’ eyes light up, as they recently did on a trip to Connecticut that included their first ferry ride and a trip to an aquarium with Beluga whales and penguins, which they love seeing in books. That is living my life now, and if you’re in the same boat, you’re not alone.